When it All Falls Apart

by admin on June 24, 2009

(This is a homily that I preached on June 20th, 2009, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The scriptures of the day were Genesis 3:14-21, Psalm 86, and John 20:24-31.)

Throughout the course of our lives, there will be times when everything goes wrong.

Our plans are scuttled,
our relationships falter,
and sometimes even our very foundations are rocked.

Now we humans are resilient. Sometimes we can bounce back stronger than ever. But other times “bouncing back” isn’t so easy.

Sometimes “bouncing back” isn’t possible.

Sometimes it all falls apart.

The Bible begins with a story about things falling apart, and boy is it a doozy.

God had created the heavens and the earth and all of their inhabitants.
And God said that all of his creation was good.

In fact, it was very good.

But then it began to fall apart.

Eve had a talk with the serpent who put ideas into her head.

She talked to Adam and put ideas in his head.

Next thing we know, they are being disobedient, eating forbidden fruit, and sewing up fig leaf loincloths for themselves.  God is displeased, and the relationships between God and human, human and animal, and human and human will never be the same.

The serpent, part of God’s good creation, is now cursed among animals, and will be in violent confrontation with humanity from here on out.

As for the man and the woman? They have gone from being unified in their shared vocation as both stewards of creation and as co-creators of humanity, into their own separate, painful struggles:

The woman will continue to bear children, but the process will be frought with pain and danger. And even worse, her relationship with her husband has been distorted into one of hierarchy and dominion, rather than unity and love.

For his part, the man will continue to care for creation and eat of its fruit, but he will have to struggle for it. He will suffer his own pain as his flesh aches from strain and is cut by the thorns and thistles that compete with him for the land he works.

And after this inauspicious beginning,  the scriptures will continue to testify to this brokenness in creation.

The Psalmist sings from his own brokenness:

“Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.”

He also sings of his own broken relationships:

“The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life— men without regard for you.

He sings to  God, pleading for mercy and strength:

Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

And God listened to the Psalmist and all those who throughout the ages prayed for his lovingkindness.

And in the fullness of time, God incarnated as a human being and walked among us. Yet even for him, things fell apart: And for his disciples, those who had been with him throughout his earthly ministry, this “falling apart” was still fresh in their minds.

For Thomas, it sounds like his memories were a little too fresh: He hadn’t been present when Jesus had appeared to them before, and his grief was so profound,  he could not allow himself to believe that Jesus had really risen from the dead.

Even after all the miracles he had seen Christ perform, even after being assured by the other disciples that Christ had risen, Doubting Thomas demanded proof, and he demanded proof in the form of  physical contact with Christ’s body.

And I can’t blame him. Thomas probably figured he couldn’t withstand the pain of losing his friend again.

We who are gathered here today have, in our own ways, experienced everything falling apart: Some of us have lost marriages, others, friendships. Many of us here have lost a bishop or two,  we’ve lost jobs, reputations, and our possessions.

Our foundations have been rocked, and for some of us, recovering, setting things right, may seem to be difficult, maybe even impossible.

But as I looked over our scriptures today, it struck me: Each in its own way, tells the story of someone for whom everything fell apart.

Yet nobody ever lost their vocation:

The serpent may have been cursed, but he wasn’t eliminated. He was still a beast, still a part of God’s creation, and what a very interesting part he is!

The woman still gives birth, still cares for her children, and still works with man to fill and subdue the earth.

The man continues to work, to till his fields and to grow his food and male and female together continue to rear families who become generations who become nations.

The Psalmist, even in his pain, intersperses his laments with magnificent words of praise, fulfilling his vocation, and our vocation, to praise and honor The Living God.

And Thomas, maligned through history as “Doubting Thomas”, never left the fold, continued to be a disciple even when his terror at further pain kept him from believing without seeing. He takes his rightful place among the Apostles, and one of the oldest Christian churches, founded by him, still thrives in India.

And not us forget our Lord Jesus, whose resurrected body bore the scars of his vocation as the Lamb of God given for the sins of the world: Even in his resurrected body, these scars remained, a physical reminder of his vocation.

And it is there, in that scarred body, resurrected, and soon to ascend, that we find reconciliation: His physical body reconciled fallen humanity, and divine logos; Tortured and murdered flesh was resurrected from the dead. And now we who have believed, even without seeing, have been provided with the Word of God, which tells us of his signs, so that we may become part of his Body, his church, even as we are nourished by it in the form of bread and wine.

And we, sitting here, will share that meal today.

Even though, in various ways and to various degrees, things have fallen apart for us,  none of us has lost our vocation. Not a one.

Have our vocations been transformed by sin? Of course they have. Do they look the same as when we first received them? Of course they don’t.

But we never lost them. We could have lost them, just as God could have wiped out creation and started over again. But he didn’t. Humanity, nature, and beast continue in vocation, and God continues to be faithful.

This weekend, we celebrate a new, imperfect, representation of Christ’s body in the form of our church. We who are here, clergy and laity, come from different traditions, with different stories. We each bear own wounds, reminders of the fallen-ness of creation. We also each bear gifts for ministry, reminders of God’s faithfulness in upholding and preserving our vocations.

As we begin our work in earnest this day, in our meetings and in our time of prayer and fellowship, I ask would that we remember:

The Genesis story, in which even a rebellious creation is preserved by the most High God.

As we live out our vocations, may we stand firm in the foundation set by He who set the foundations of the universe.

I would ask that we remember:

The Psalmist, who in his agony and persecution, remembers to that he can ask God for his care and provision.

and

As we live out our vocations, may we remember that we can cry out to our Everlasting Father for strength and care.

I would also ask that we remember:

Thomas, the grief stricken disciple, who could not believe even the words of his friends, yet who remained with them, as faithful as he could be, until he could get the proof that he needed of his Lord’s resurrection.

and

As we live out our vocations, may we remain faithful with that portion of faith that we have been given, be it large or small.

I would finally ask that we remember:

The body of our Lord, gloriously resurrected, yet still bearing the scars of his tribulations.

and

As we live out our vocations, may we never forget that the scars that we bear, those inflicted by others or those of our own making, do not compromise, change, or nullify the vocations with which we have been charged. And let us remember our Lord, who was not ashamed to show his  scars to others, that they may be reconciled to him and others.

That was his vocation.

And now it is ours.  Amen.

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Re-Blogging My Blogs

by admin on April 19, 2009

I started Headspace during the Summer of 2007, a time of intense spiritual and personal turmoil for myself. During the Fall of that year, this blog became my lifeline: It kept me sane as I navigated some very painful circumstances, and provided me with a way to both serve and connect with Christians.

As 2008 dawned, the personal and spiritual turmoil of 2007 “descended into hell” and took me with it.

“Christian” blogging wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

I eventually started to write again, though. First on Hubpages, where I wrote short articles giving advice on everything from long-distance courtships to sniffing out obscure job benefits. Then came a short-lived blog on adoption (which I actually do hope to revive someday soon).

What really caught my fancy, however, was writing about tea, and so I have become a tea-writer on my own blog, LainieSips.com, as well as for Examiner.com and The Taste of English Tea Blog. More blogs and more writings are in the works.

The trouble is that Headspace has been neglected, and lainiepetersen.com, my “brand” domain name isn’t being used to its best advantage. So starting now, I am going to be transitioning lainiepetersen.com to being a “portal” site for my writings and self-promotion, and spinning Headspace off into its own blog, to which I hope to contribute more often.

You may also want to check the sidebar on the far right of this blog: It contains RSS feeds to the blogs for which I write. Expect me to add more as I blog more.

Thanks for stopping by.  .  .hopefully I’ll get this place cleaned up good and proper, and soon!

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(This months synchroblog is part of a synchroblog/synchrosermon on International Women’s Day. The focus of the synchroblog/synchrosermon is on Biblical women.)

When I read In Cold Blood , I found myself stunned by Truman Capote’s writing style. It wasn’t just that he was a superb writer (which he was) but that he wrote in such a non-manipulative way. Instead of expressing his own shock and outrage at the unprovoked murder of an entire family, he told the story as he understood it, leaving the reader’s humanity to determine his/her response.

I thought it a very adult way to write,  a way of encouraging the reader’s development of character, the development of his/her soul, if you will, in the reading of such horror. My response to the story told  me something about myself, rather than how I “ought” to feel about the distant event that the story described.

I contrast my praise of Capote with the overwhelming indignation I feel every time I read the story of The Unnamed Concubine in  Judges 19:1-30. I can’t read it without my blood running cold. I am left weak and shaking at the end of what scholar Phyllis Trible described as a “tortuous and torturous path“, wondering after reading this “text of terror” why its author fails to offer a disapproving word.

In fact, I have often wondered why God didn’t see fit to offer a disapproving word on the subject of a woman who leaves, and then is persuaded to return to a man whose cowardice is equaled only by his astonishing hubris. A man who hands her over to a rape-gang and then chops her into parts to demonstrate his indignation at that same rape-gang.

And so I stew. Reading the story and getting angrier at God and the writer for not offering redemption by writing my indignation for me. Re-reading the story and looking for a hint of”the God who sees” that rescued Hagar from the desert.

There is none.

The writer told a story.

The writer didn’t tell me how I, or anyone else, should feel about it.  Instead, we are left to pay attention to our own reactions to the tale. If we dare.

Some commentators, like John Wesley, seemed to believe that the concubine got what she deserved for leaving her “protector” at the beginning of the story.

Other commentators rush to defend the concubine by pointing out that she wasn’t “at fault” for the original quarrel.

Feminist theologians, on the other hand, draw parallels between the plight of this nameless, socially helpless woman and the plight of other nameless, socially helpless women.

When we read this story, each of us is presented with an opportunity to examine our own responses to this tale:  A woman leaves a man and is persuaded to return to him. Her reward for doing so is to be fed to a pack of rapists, cut into twelve pieces and scattered among strangers.

What is our reaction to this story?

Do we seek to explain it? If so, how?

Do we want to place blame? If so, where?

Do we want to justify the actions of the woman’s “protector”? If so, why?

Do we want to make someone other than the woman the focus of this story? If so, who?

Do we want to place God or “God’s will” somewhere in the story? If so, when?

And what do our reactions to this story tell us about how we feel, or how we feel we should feel,  about women?

Visit the other synchrobloggers below:

Julie Clawson on the God who sees
Steve Hayes on St. Theodora the Iconodule
Sonja Andrews on Aunt Jemima
Sensuous Wife on a single mom in the Bible
Minnowspeaks on celebrating women
Michelle Van Loon on the persistant widow
Lyn Hallewell on women who walked with God
Heather on the strength of biblical women
Shawna Atteberry on the Daughter of Mary Magdalene
Christine Sine on women who impacted her life
Susan Barnes on Tamar, Ruth, and Mary
Kathy Escobar on standing up for nameless and voiceless women
Ellen Haroutunian on out from under the veil
Liz Dyer on Mary and Martha
Bethany Stedman on Shiphrah and Puah
Dan Brennan on Mary Magdalene
Jessica Schafer on Bathsheba
Eugene Cho on Lydia
Laura sorts through what she knows about women in the Bible
Miz Melly preached on the woman at the well
AJ Schwanz on women’s work
Pam Hogeweide on teenage girls changing the world
Teresa on the women Paul didn’t hate
Helen on Esther
Happy on Abigail
Mark Baker-Wright on telling stories
Robin M. on Eve
Alan Knox is thankful for the women who served God
Lainie Petersen on the unnamed concubine
Mike Clawson on cultural norms in the early church
Krista on serving God
Bob Carlton on Barbie as Icon
Jan Edmiston preached on the unnamed concubine
Deb on her namesake – Deborah
Makeesha on empowering women
Kate on Esther
Doreen Mannion on Deborah
Patrick Oden on Rahab
Scot McKnight on Junia
Jonathan Stegall on Eve
InHo Kim on Sarah
Mimi Haddad on deception

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More on How I Waste Time

by LainieP on December 12, 2008

A few days ago  I blogged on how I waste time by inappropriately reacting to situations and circumstances. Since the incident mentioned in that blog post, I have been trying to observe myself engaging in this behavior in hopes that I might detect a pattern and correct it.

clock

To both my relief, and dismay, I have discovered that there is indeed a pattern. My relief is the result of having detected a pattern, but my dismay is the result of discovering that this pattern is pretty complex.

To demonstrate, I am going to use the following (fictional) scenario as an example:

1. Someone calls me a “dummy”.

2. I react by feeling hurt, sad, angry, and confused.

3. My hurt feelings give rise to one or more of the following responses: I snap back with an insult of my own, I wander off feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out why that person doesn’t like me, I begin to wonder if that person is going to try and turn others against me. . .and so on.

Notice that my responses (which take up the bulk of my time and energy) are not directly the result of being called dumb, but are instead in response to my hurt feelings. My responses are only secondarily connected to the situation: The time and energy that I invest in my responsive actions is primarily connected to my emotional reaction, not the incident itself.

This is a hard pattern to challenge and change, so lately I have been just trying to pay attention to this process.  I’m trying to catch myself between my emotional reactions and my continued response. I’d like to think that eventually I can get enough distance between the emotion and my response so as to figure out whether I am making an appropriate investment.

I’ll keep trying, anyway.

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The ladies room at work is evil.

Truly.

(So evil, I call it “The Ego Deflator”.)

You see, no matter how cute I am feeling, one look in the ladies room mirror will strip me of any such delusions.  Every line, every shadow, every broken capillary, every imperfection in my face screams from the mirror, assuring me of my soon-to-be-celebrated 40th birthday. When I look in that mirror, I look pale, sallow, washed out, tired, and old.

To be fair, I am not the mirror’s only target. All the other women at work have the same complaint: We just end up looking SO bad in that mirror.

Now some might say that our irritation is just vanity: We don’t want to accept our imperfections or the fact that we are aging.

(This is probably true.)

Yet this mirror doesn’t tell us the truth about how we look. It can’t, because the lighting in the ladies room is horrid. The bulbs are of the ultraviolet variety, and not only do  they give off a rather unflattering glow, there aren’t enough of them, and the walls of the washroom are a nasty, dingy grey which reflects badly in the light.

So while we ladies do see some very real flaws when we peer into that ladies room mirror, we are also seeing ourselves, not as we really are, but how we look in contaminated light. We see our true flaws, to be sure, but we also see “flaws” that aren’t really there.

(The light can be corrupted. The light can be distorted.)

(And because I am human, I am quick to believe in the distortion.)

The mirror doesn’t tell me how I really look, because all it can do is reflect the light available to it.  It took me awhile to realize this, though. I assumed that light was light. Eventually I paid more attention to my environment, and talked to others that shared it, to realize that the light was contaminated.

(I need to know the light better. When I truly know the light, I can know when it has been corrupted. Then I might be able to only see what is truly there.)

This blog post is part of this month’s Synchroblog on Light and Darkness as Motifs of Spirituality. Check out the other posts below:

Phil Wyman finds Darkness: a Thin Place for the Soul
Adam Gonnerman on being “In Darkness”
Jeff Goins is “Walking in the Light with Jesus”
Ellen Haroutunian finds Holy Darkness
Bethany Stedman thinks Light is Coming
Julie Clawson walks through Darkness and Light
Kathy Escobar will Take a Sliver Anyday
Susan Barnes at …and here’s a photo of one I made earlier
Joe Miller thinks you can Discover Light in Darkness
Beth Patterson talks about Advent: Awaiting the Ancient and the Ever New
Liz Dyer says What the Heck
Sally Coleman muses about Light into Darkness
Steve Hayes with the Lord of the Dark
Josh Jinno with Spiritual Motifs of Darkness and Light
KW Leslie contrasts Darkness versus blackness
Erin Word writes Fire and Sacrifice

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Ways to Waste Time (Part 1)

by LainieP on December 1, 2008

A couple of months ago, I was walking past a parking lot when I saw a not-unfamiliar interaction: A car pulled out in front of another car which had been making its way out of the lot.

The total delay for the second car? Probably about three seconds.

Apparently this waste of three seconds was enough to make the second car’s driver very irate. He began to lean on his horn and curse the driver of the first car. Then the driver of the first car stopped his car, further delaying the driver of the second car, and responded with cursing and horn-blowing of his own. After a bit of start and stop, both drivers drove off the lot, gunning their engines as they did so.

The time taken up by the angry exchange? Probably about fifteen seconds, and I’d bet anything that both drivers were fairly steamed for at least a minute or two after they drove off.

Total time of delay: 3 seconds.

Total time of angry exchange: 15 seconds (at least).

So for wait of 3 seconds, the second driver (roping the first driver along with him) invested 5 times the length of the delay in unproductive honking, cursing, and, yes, being delayed even longer.

Christians might call this poor stewardship of time and emotional energy. The rest of the world would probably just say that this was a boneheaded thing to do. No matter what you call it, though,  the neither driver will ever get his squandered time or energy back.

After watching this little drama unfold, I came to the realization that I am often (ok, usually, even)  just as wasteful of my energy and resources as these drivers. A slight inconvenience, a careless word, or, in some cases, even a positive exchange can result in behavior that is totally out of proportion to the actual stimulus. Thus a good stimulus is minimized by wasted time and energy, while a bad stimulus has the distinction of being made, by myself, even more damaging because of energy and time I invest in it.

I have some thoughts on why I (and perhaps others) do this, and I will write about them in my next post. But for now, it is enough to remember those squabbling drivers, investing fivefold in their own misery over a measly three seconds.

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Don’t Bow, Kirtsy!

by LainieP on November 30, 2008

This is a shout-out to all my fellow female bloggers, particularly you missional/emergent ladies:

There is now a social media site (similar to Digg and StumbleUpon) which is dedicated to women and women’s interests. It is called Kirtsy, and I’d love to see more of my blogging friends on it.

kirtsy!

Please check it out and friend me (Lainie P) if you wish!

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More on Transparency

by LainieP on November 17, 2008

(Ok, I am going to be transparent: I haven’t posted in a month because I’ve been too busy working on my much more popular tea blog. But I’ve realized that my ministry extends beyond tea, so I am going to try and be more regular about posting here.)

Back to transparency. As I discussed in my last post on this subject, we often seek to define transparency by what might be termed “transparency best practices”: We shift from “transparency” to things like accountability and honesty without considering what it is to be transparent. And as my blogging pal Paul Meyers noted in his comment, most people aren’t even good enough at being honest with themselves to be truly transparent.

Since I definitely fall into this last category, I had to think long and hard for an example of how to be transparent.

And then I thought of my glass teapots.

I own three teapots. One is white porcelain and opaque. The others are clear glass. I confess to being more fond of the glass teapots because I like to be able to see the tea leaves unfurl as they steep. I like to be able to watch the color of the tea liquor darken so that I can know exactly when the tea is ready to be poured. I like being able to see if the teapot is in need of emptying/cleaning at a glance.  I like being able to examine the leaves after I drink my tea without getting my hands wet.

I like being able to see right through those pots. And the interesting thing is that those pots don’t have to do anything other than hold my tea.  They don’t try to be transparent or function transparently. They are transparent.

Now humans are not teapots. Unlike a teapot we have personalities, moral agency, and intelligence. We have souls. But I still think that my humble teapots have something to teach us about transparency, namely that it is in large part dependent on what we are made of: If we build up a persona out of defensiveness and/or opportunism, it won’t matter how “accountable” or honest we are to others, we still aren’t going to be transparent.  We will continue to manage, or try to manage, how others see us and what it is that they see  and in the process render ourselves even more unknowable to ourselves and to others.

If we are transparent, we are knowable, both by ourselves and others. It isn’t a matter of our actively disclosing information or being “accountable”. Instead, when we are transparent, we are knowable to others: What they know of us depends on their physical/spiritual/emotional/mental proximity to us, rather than strictly on our own actions.

And we become more knowable, we can better know ourselves.

More on this later. Thanks for reading.

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A few weeks ago I read this post by Kathy Escobar. I found the post disturbing, and needed to take some time and reflect on both my reaction to it and what I truly wanted to say about it.

Kathy is the co-pastor of The Refuge. I don’t know much about this church, but I get the idea that they minister to a lot of “the least of these“: Folks who are  “high need”. From what she has described in her post, it sounds like the “high need” people may outnumber the “normals” at The Refuge.

Because of this skewed demographic, Kathy gets a lot of pats on the back (and probably the head) for her good work, but not so much in the way of practical support (i.e. people who are willing to become part of The Refuge’s community). Mind you, there are plenty of folks who are willing to send folks to The Refuge: They just don’t want to join them there.

When Kathy has asked folks why they don’t join the fellowship of The Refuge, she gets answers like these:

“we just want to be around less broken people”

“i don’t have the issues these people have”

“we just don’t feel comfortable” ”

I have alluded to my discomfort with the poor in previous posts. So when I read this post, I felt rather, um. . .challenged? I don’t live anywhere near The Refuge, so participating isn’t an option for me, but I still felt this need to justify why I wouldn’t participate if I was a local.

To my chagrin, my responses were identical to those listed by Kathy. In fact, I began feeling a bit helpless, thinking that if I were to become involved in a community such as Kathy’s, I’d probably implode with so many demands on my time, so many broken people wanting to be my friend, so many things and people that I’d have to “fix”. It was just too much, and I shrugged and said “Sorry God, I just couldn’t do all that.”

It was then that I heard the still, small voice say:  “Who asked you to?”

Stunned, I had to sit back and think. I realized that what was making me so uncomfortable about participating in a community like Kathy’s had less to do with what would like be expected of me by the church community, and more of what I was expecting of myself.

The arrogance of my thinking and the largeness of my ego actually got me to laugh harder at myself than I have for a very long time: Here I was thinking that if I were to join such a church, I would be expected to meet needs, solve problems, and make friends with needy people. Never mind that:

1. I have a fair number of needs myself right now, and not a lot of resources (personal, emotional, spiritual, or material) to share with others.

2. While I might think of myself as SuperLainie, the fact is that neither I, nor anyone else, can “solve” other people’s problems.

3. These “needy people” just might have their own friends. And maybe they wouldn’t like me all that much anyway.

In other words, I was willing to withhold my presence from a community where I likely would have been welcomed and loved, all because I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to live up to my own (not the church’s, not the pastors’, not God’s) expectations about what I “needed to do for them”.

(Kind of silly, eh?)

While I was reading Kathy’s post, I got the sense that the only expectation that she had of others was a willingness to be present: For her, for the church leadership, and for the church community. Yet I had to admit that, if I were local to The Refuge, I would have been reluctant to offer that simple thing because of my “whole-r than thou” attitude.

Of course, I am not everybody, and others may have different reasons for not participating in The Refuge (or churches like it. But I’d encourage those who have the same “uncomfortable” reaction to consider why they feel so squeamish. Is it because they are truly afraid of not getting their own needs met? Or are they laboring under a heavy burden of unreasonable self-expectation?

And if the later is true, are they willing to surrender that burden for a lighter one?

(Am I?)

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New Tea Blog

by admin on September 25, 2008

Sorry for going quiet, but I’ve been working on a new project. Since I am already a tea addict, I decided to take the hint from some friends and start a tea blog.  You can visit my tea blog here:  www.lainiesips.com

More on this blog soon. I promise!

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