There is now a social media site (similar to Digg and StumbleUpon) which is dedicated to women and women’s interests. It is called Kirtsy, and I’d love to see more of my blogging friends on it.

Please check it out and friend me (Lainie P) if you wish!

1. First Initiation by Madame Jeanne de Salzmann

Essay on lying to oneself. Self-deception has perhaps been, and is, my greatest fault.

2. Still No Sunspots by ‘Somerset’ Bob

Interesting post on the lack of recent solar activity.

3. Unveiled Faces by Sally Coleman

Actually this is a book of poems, not a blog post, but I wanted folks to know about it!

4. Does Most Political Discussion Merely Feed the Ego? by Gary Means

Interesting essay on discussing politics.

5. Inappropriate, Much? on Cakewrecks

Gosh, and people wonder why fourteen year-olds “grow up so fast these days”.

Julie Clawson’s commentary on the deceptive PSAs for corn syrup.

2. Setting Up Apologists to Look Like Idiots|The Evening of Kent

KW Leslie takes on the creationism/evolution debate as an apologetics strategy.

3. Joel Hunter Clarifies his Benediction|Wildhunt.org

Gee, an evangelical minister had a chance to end the DNC on an appropriate Interfaith note, only to spoil it with a disclaimer sent out after the fact.

4. Wedding Cake Scam|Caketalk

There is now a wedding cake scam. You heard me. . .a wedding cake scam!

5. New  York Sun Offers You One Year of Free Defunct Paper|Gawker.com

Such a deal!

Something that I have been sharing with my “real life” friends and coworkers, that I also wanted to make my readers aware of:

Amazon.com is now selling non-perishable groceries and other household staples, which most of you probably know. What you may not know is that Amazon.com offers you the opportunity to request automatic shipments of many of these products at significant savings to yourself. Here is how it works:

1. Find the item that you want on Amazon.com (they have a lot of bulk cases as well as single items).

2. Look on the right sidebar to see if it is offered under the Subscribe & Save program.

3. If it is, you can sign up to have the item automatically sent to you on a schedule you choose (every month up to every six months).

4. You can cancel the service at any time, and you will be sent an email several days before your card is charged so that you have the opportunity to skip a shipment.

5. You will save 15% on the standard Amazon.com price, plus get free shipping on your order.

I myself have signed up for the program, as the individual Indian meals that I enjoy for lunch are available through the Subscribe & Save at a third of the cost that I was paying at Whole Foods.  I know that many folks are on tight budgets these days, and the savings that this program affords can make a big difference.

(Disclosure: The links to Subscribe & Save are affiliate links. You can always go directly to the Amazon website to sign up if you wish.)

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How do we heal in the absence of closure?

As the old saying goes “Time heals all wounds.”, and in most cases, this is true. As we distance ourselves from a hurt we can begin to live and interact with less caution, to feel joy and happiness again. But it is easier to recover from an emotional or spiritual injury when we have experienced “closure”: Either an understanding/reconciliation reached with that person who has hurt us or, at least, some measure of justice. When we are not afforded reconciliation or justice after a hurt, we are left in a state of limbo, where healing comes much more slowly, much more unevenly, than if we are able to experience a definite resolution.

I liken the difference between healing with and without closure to the difference between the healing of a nasty cut that is cleaned up/stitched up by a doctor and a cut that is allowed to close up “naturally”. When the cut has been treated and closed, it will often heal faster, have fewer complications, and its scar will be less noticeable than an untreated, “unclosed” cut. Likewise, when we have had closure after an emotional/spiritual wound, negative emotions are less likely to fester, we are less likely to obsess over unanswered questions, and more likely to trust and rebuild relationships.

For those of us who do struggle with the uneven, messy scars of unresolved hurts, there is a silver lining: Because we didn’t heal as slowly, because our “scars” are jagged, uneven, and prone to aching in bad weather, we remember more. We’ve been there, done that, have the t-shirt. We might be a bit more disciplined in our interactions. We might be able to share our experiences more effectively. We might even be able to be more present for those who are experiencing a similar hurt.

But all the silver linings in the world don’t make these wounds less painful, do they?

“Shocking allegations” (as the reporters in the accompanying news clip put it) indeed. Journalists and police and probably most of the people reading/watching reports of this incident are “disgusted” and thinking: What kind of parent puts their child in a cage?

At the risk of being called a bleeding heart liberal, I’d like to offer a possible answer to the above question:

“A poor one?”

(To those who are rolling their eyes right now, let me point out that I don’t think that putting children in cages and leaving them unattended (in a vehicle, at that!) is ever acceptable. If you read this blog post thinking otherwise, that is your problem, not mine. I don’t like inept parenting, particularly when children are endangered by it.)

But I’d like to ask another question. What alternatives did these parents have?

• Both parents were employed. The father was salvaging scrap metal and the mother was working as a dental assistant. Neither job is high paid, and this family was probably barely scraping by on both parents’ wages and likely could not afford child care.
  
• The family had got into trouble with the Department of Children and Family services before for leaving one of the girls “home alone”. The family was offered “supportive services”, though this apparently did not include continuing child care.
• The children were not simply left alone in the truck, but were caged and strapped in so they would not “run away”. While this action clearly offends the sensibilities of the local constabulary and the media, it is probably preferable to leaving the girls “loose” so that they could escape the truck and go out exploring.
• The television news report makes much of the fact that the truck had tinted windows and a plywood barrier that prevented outsiders from seeing the children. But if children are going to be left alone, wouldn’t it make sense to conceal them so that potential kidnappers and molesters cannot see them?
• There is no mention in this story of any evidence of physical or sexual abuse. Evidence of such may be forthcoming, but the problem so far seems to be that the kids were left alone because their parents (who already had reason to be fearful of the child welfare authorities) couldn’t afford child care.
• It should be noted that, as poor as this family is, both parents are working. If they weren’t working (and thus looking after the children at home) the same people condemning the father for securing the girls in his truck while he worked would be condemning the parents for being “lazy”.

So now these children are in foster care and away from their parents. I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that they are probably more traumatized by being in foster care than they were in a cage, in the back of their father’s truck. While they shouldn’t have been there in the first place, I am wondering what putting the kids in foster care is supposed to solve. Clearly these parents need some, ahem, help in caring for their children appropriately, but given their circumstances, it sounds like they may have been doing the best that they could.

They are poor. They are caring for their children the way the poor have always had to care for their children, which involves few resources and even fewer choices. The police and caseworkers and media are quick to condemn and arrest and confiscate, but one wonders what they were willing to do to help a family, who, despite both parents holding jobs, could not afford a baby sitter.

Is it a crime to be poor?

Is it?

Greetings,

A fellow member of The New Sheridan Club volunteers for the Army Benevolent Fund (a UK charity). This charity helps to provide for soldiers in need.

The charity has the opportunity to receive a significant grant from a website called MoneySavingExpert.com, provided that it receives the most votes on the website’s message board. If readers could take a couple of minutes to register on the message board (no spam from them!) and to “vote” for the charity, I, and my fellow club member, would be most grateful. You do NOT need to be a resident of the UK to vote.

This message below, from the club member, explains what you need to do:

“As some of you know, I work for a charity – The Army Benevolent Fund – which helps soldiers in need. We are trying to win a £22,000 grant from a website called MoneySavingExpert.com, and we need as many votes as possible.

If you can spare 2 mins, would you vote for us by:

Step one:
Registering with the site here
(you will not get any junk mail, I promise)

Step two:
Clicking this link and logging in. It may be hard to see where, but you need the line below the big yellow bar (above the red button that says start here and green bar)

Step three:
Press control and letter f simultaneously and type in ABF in the pop up box and click find.
Holly D’s nomination post for ABF should then appear. You then just need to click the thanks button with the yellow thumb to register your vote. (NOTE from Lainie, this only seems to work for PC users. Mac users may just need to scroll or use the “find” feature in their browser.)

Step Three:
Please forward this to your friends so they too can support our soldiers, former soldiers and their dependents !

Its all a bit fiddly, I know, but it could help raise £22,000 for our brave troops. Your help would be so much appreciated and I’ll let you know if we win.”

Please feel free to post this in your own blogs, etc. Thanks so much for your help!

Heads up, fellow bloggers! TopRankBlog.com, features a list of RSS directories that you can submit your feed to. Thanks to Shalini for tipping me off to this great resource!

. . .no, the above is not a description of a wine, but is instead of the pain inflicted by a sweat bee.

Justin O. Schmidt, an entomologist, has been kind enough to create a pain scale for various sorts of insect bites, which can be found here. His descriptions are well-written and fascinating enough to distract me from long overdue blog posting.

Enjoy.