When we mess up, really mess up (i.e. hurt someone else), what is the correct course of action? Apologies (written or verbal) are typically in order, though they don’t undo the damage. Explanations, while sometimes helpful in letting the injured party understand your motivations and state-of-mind, are also often easily misunderstood and can sound like excuses.
It can be even harder to be transparent with others about our own bad behavior. Some folks have (quite literally) made a career of “confessing” their lurid pasts. Others don’t go quite so far, but do spend an awful lot of time talking about their wrongs and, in a perverse way, seem to revel in their guilt.
Is there any appropriate middle ground? Are there ways for people to be transparent and honest about their actions without self-indulgence? Should people apologize once and then shut up? What if a public statement is in order? Should people continue to talk about their past mistakes? I’d like to hear what you think.
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My personal view is that a person who has screwed up should apologize once sincerely and discretely to those s/he has harmed. During that apology, the wrongdoer should ask what, if anything s/he can do to make up for what s/he has done and ask the people s/he is apologizing to how they feel and go from there.
Public apologies, IMO should be short and sincere (ex: “I’m sorry I acted like such a drunken jerk at the party last weekend” to a group of friends), since the real apologies should have already been made in private.
When one side refuses to let go of the problem, the apology itself (repeated and/or demanded ad nauseum) becomes more of an issue than the original reason for the apology.